Women and Self-Confidence

Self-confidence, whether you are a woman or a man, affects all aspects of our lives, including our career, relationships, and our ability to bring in financial abundance. As a woman, I have been privy to many personal conversations with other women and I have found one thing in common over and over. Whether I am talking to a CEO, an accomplished writer, a financial smartypants, a stay-at-home mom, a healer or a woman juggling a variety of different roles, many women report a lack of their own self-worth and therefore low self-confidence.

So I wonder where does this lack of self-confidence come from and is there a chance we can change this?

I heard Debra Winger once say in an interview on NPR, “As women we often go invisible for awhile until we transition to the next thing.” I can definitely relate to this as I have spent a lot of time “under the radar” as I tried to figure out what comes next.

As women, and for that matter, as humans, we are constantly evolving – both as individuals and as a collective community. It is only natural that there are times that we have no idea what our next step may be. But does this mean that because we don’t know which foot to put forward first that we cannot claim our space?

Throughout time women have held positions of power as queens, goddesses, rulers and spiritual leaders. Today, women navigate positions of power in government, business, the arts, athletics, the entertainment industry and the home – but somewhere along the way for many women a sense of self-worth got left behind.

Where does self-worth come from? For many people – spirituality and religion play a major role in their lives and their sense of self and their place in the world. In our western culture, God, considered the Almighty, has been portrayed as a white male. God’s reference as a “he” has dominated our consciousness. If God is the one who is considered the ultimate judge and the one we are to please and emulate, can women deep down inside ever feel truly worthy?

Before the time of the Christian God, there was the Mother Goddess. For 30,000 years (historians report) she ruled the land and looked after humanity, exemplifying ideals such as compassion, receptivity, and love. Eventually matriarchal society evolved to a patriarchal society and that is the paradigm within which we have been living for the past 2000 years.

Could it be that the absence of goddesses and female spiritual leaders has left an empty space for some women?

For me, it has. It has only been in the last couple of years that I started learning about goddesses beyond what we all learned in our Greek Mythology class. I have looked into goddesses from a variety of traditions — Indian, Tibetan, African, Chinese, Celtic and so forth. As I learn about these goddesses and their qualities of wisdom, compassion, warrior, creativity and more, I notice my sense of self, self-worth and self-confidence beginning to take root. It is as if I am connecting to something very ancient that was erased from my consciousness, but now am finding once again.

I believe that as women as we open to more of our inner feminine – which includes a whole lot of power, compassion and wisdom — we will begin to find our self-worth as individuals.

Where do you think self-worth and self-confidence come from? Is it different for men than women? Does it come from an inner source, an outer source, a higher source or some combination?

************************************************************************

Tabby Biddle is a writer and editor specializing in helping women entrepreneurs and emerging authors get their message out. Additionally she is the founder of Lotus Blossom Style, a yoga lifestyle company created to support women in their personal transformation. She lives in Santa Monica, CA.

Sitting on the Sidelines is SO Yesterday

Maria and the Dalai Lama at the 2006 Women's Conference

Maria Shriver, Madeleine Albright, Christiane Amanpour, Jennifer Lopez, Condoleezza Rice, Gloria Steinem, Billie Jean King, Rachel Ray, Bonnie Raitt, Louise Hay, Indra Nooyi and many more renowned and inspiring women revealed their personal stories and life challenges on a wake-up call day in Long Beach, CA on Wednesday.

I took a traffic-filled drive on Wednesday morning from Santa Monica down to Long Beach to attend the annual Women’s Conference at the Long Beach Convention Center. Although I try to drive as little as possible for eco-reasons and the fact that I can’t stand being stuck in highway traffic, the pull of this conference was too much to stop me.

I arrived (a little late) at the conference to a conversation not between three women – but between three men! They were talking about how incredible women are – like giant computers – with an incomprehensible ability to multi-task and to think about things from the deepest and broadest perspectives. These three men were California Governor Arnold Schwarzenneger, political pundit and tv host Chris Mathews and investment guru Warren Buffet. Warren Buffet, having grown up with two sisters, acknowledged how terrible it was that they were given the message that they did not have the same destiny as their brother. I thought Chris Mathews put it best when he said, “It’s not new the capability (of women). It’s new the recognition.” It was so refreshing to hear men talk with respect and admiration for women’s capabilities.

It was Maria Shriver who expanded this annual California-based conference (founded in 1985) five years ago with her husband Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to inspire, educate and empower women to be their best and become architects of positive change for the world! Since that time, it has become a life-changing event for thousands and thousands of women. In fact, the conference has become so popular that this year the 14,000 tickets sold out in two hours. Maria, quick to think about how to include and inspire more women, added an additional event the evening before where those who couldn’t attend on the BIG DAY could at least have a hit of inspiration and connect to the life force of the main gig.

Although there were thousands of women (and some men) at the event, I felt like I was having multiple café conversations with international journalists, CEOs, Secretaries of State, national sports champions, rock stars, renowned social activists, financial gurus, health gurus, celeb entertainers, First Ladies, and more! Where else can something like that happen? As U2’s Bono (who was also at the conference) put it – “California is the frontier of what is possible.”

One of the most exciting women for me to hear speak was legendary international journalist Christiane Amanpour. Since college, I wanted to be a journalist – to tell the stories of people from around the world so that we would in the end discover and come to understand our connection to one another. Christiane, having grown up in Iran with a privileged background said her mom showed her there was nothing a woman couldn’t do. But then the Islamic Revolution came and her world turned upside down. Her family and many she knew fled the country. She told us that her main inspiration to become a journalist was to tell the stories of the people whose stories might otherwise not be told, and in particularly – the stories of women and children. “My loss became my driving force,” said Christiana. “I wanted to use my voice in service of the truth.”

Christiane’s story was one of many moving stories from a rich lineup of women from all arenas of life. Whether a cooking show host, a secretary of state, or a medical intuitive, throughout the day women imparted their wisdom from their life experiences and empowered one another through their stories of achievement, generosity, passion and courage. They showed us that it doesn’t matter what direction you are coming from, but by taking responsibility for being awake and expressing oneself with passion and truth — we can make positive change in the world. Coming together as we did at the conference felt like a call to action. As Christiane put it, “Change will come when people decide it’s more important to be a citizen than just inhabiting our planet.” She said with a smile, “Sitting on the sidelines is SO yesterday.”

Are you sitting on the sidelines? And if so, what is keeping you from living your passions? Fear probably, right? Did you ever consider that stepping into your fears will help them fall away? How about naming them and then stepping into them one by one? I’m going to try!

The Trickle Up Effect

Did you watch the final Presidential debate on Wednesday?

I was stunned by John McCain’s efforts to paint Barack Obama as a big-spending, big-taxing liberal and accuse him of wanting to take away American’s hard-earned money.

Yes Obama would increase taxes for the wealthiest 1% of our country’s population, but this is because of the Bush administration’s fiscally-irresponsible tax breaks for the highest income Americans and who needs to bring up dropping a bundle on a war? Now we see where that has gotten us. The irony of McCain’s accusations is that Obama would cut taxes for 95% of the population and give bigger tax relief than McCain would give to 60% of Americans.

As I listened to the debate, I started to wonder – does it really all come down to taxes for some voters? And if so, what about domestic and social needs such as fixing our national healthcare system and lowering health costs, re-valuing early childhood education, improving our schools, making college more affordable, fighting for pay equity between women and men, eliminating gender discrimination, strengthening domestic violence laws, building clean energy and using renewable resources, and living with hope that we can rebuild our country with strength from the bottom up.

I think Barack described our situation well when he said, “When that dream of opportunity is denied to too many Americans, then ultimately that pain has a way of trickling up.”

Are we stuck in the trickle up effect?

But wait a minute, is this really all about taxes? Why has the conversation run aground in the debate over taxes when it should be sailing in deeper water – meaning what do these candidates really represent to us?

Obama for me and I know many others has been celebrated as a voice of hope and possibility. From what I can tell, McCain supporters see him as a representation of safety, familiarity and paternal security.

Instead of getting narrowed in the debate over taxes, this to me is the real debate – do you want hope or do you want a false sense of security? For some of us, it’s an easy choice.

Market Plunge and the Divine Feminine

For so long we have lived in a society of competition and conquering as a mark of success, but now as the market plunges and our country continues spending trillions of dollars in seemingly unending wars — some new ideals are changing the tides. A little something called Social Networking seems to be the new order of the day!

Facebook and LinkedIn are two Social Networks that are growing tremendously. As subscriber numbers increase in masses, the energy of cooperation instead of competition is beginning to prevail. In fact, sharing instead of obtaining is emerging as a preferred way to do business and live life.

Another type of Social Network popping up and growing quickly is entrepreneurial groups for women. My favorite is Ladies Who Launch. I joined with them one year ago when I was launching my clothing line, Lotus Blossom Style. The group was set up to help women do business the way women like to do business – through resource sharing and networking. Other groups I am fond of are An Empowered Woman and Spirited Woman, both based in Los Angeles. What I’ve seen among my friends and colleagues is that women are no longer stuck in a stereotype, no longer pitted against one another as backstabbers and catfighters. Instead, women are claiming their power as business owners and helping one another grow and expand into their dreams and potential.

I wonder if this new generous attitude of resource sharing and networking could lead to a new way of being? And…why is this happening now in this dog-eat-dog market crash and burn environment?

One theory of mine is that the Divine Feminine is coming back with gusto into our lives. The Divine Feminine, a term used to describe the feminine aspect of the Universe (Divinity, God, or however you like to call what is larger than ourselves), has typically represented the qualities of love, compassion, wisdom, receptivity, sharing and kindness. It has been personified for thousands of years through goddess archetypes such as Kuan Yin, Tara, Aphrodite, Athena, Kali, Isis, Gaia and others. Through the years women and men in many cultures have continued to honor goddesses, however lately there seems to be a resurgence. In fact this weekend I am attending an event in Los Angeles to celebrate our ancient connection to the Divine Feminine, called the Gaia Festival. This is one of many celebrations around the globe honoring the Divine Feminine.

Once upon a time it was about the lone wolf attitude of who could make the most money the fastest. However, the free-falling of our own stock market followed quickly by similar dire straights of the foreign markets only emphasizes our interconnectedness. No one really knows exactly why the market is crashing now, but perhaps we could draw a lesson from the way these Social Networks and the Divine Feminine envision the world with their emphasis on cooperation and sharing of resources and an appreciation of the interconnectedness of all of us. Could this very old, and at the same time new way of being transform our society?

Nine Nights with the Goddess

October is here. With the autumn equinox two weeks back, we left summertime behind and transitioned to our new season. Fall, for some, has typically represented a time to slow down, a time, as some have reported, when they feel more balanced and centered. This year’s entry to fall however, seems to have brought more frenzy than balance. With the huge drop in the stock market and the anticipatory nature of the presidential election, these last couple of weeks have taken a toll on many. Instead of dropping into the doldrums however, some are finding ways to celebrate life and enter the new season with joy and strength!

Here in Los Angeles, and for that matter around the globe, many are celebrating Navratri, a festival that honors the Mother Goddess. For nine nights and ten days each year around this time (the exact dates vary according to the lunar calendar) celebrants take the sacred opportunity to honor the Mother Goddess, which many consider the feminine aspect of divinity. The festival is intended to give people the opportunity to revel in the knowledge of the goddesses from the Hindu tradition and become fueled with their spiritual energy and power. During these nine nights and ten days, nine forms of female divinity are celebrated.

For the first three days the goddess is invoked as a spiritual force called Durga (also known as Kali) in order to destroy all our impurities. Durga/Kali represents strength and courage and is considered the goddess of action and energy.

The second three days the goddess is adored as a giver of spiritual wealth called Lakshmi. She represents abundance and grace and is considered to have the power of bestowing on her devotees inexhaustible wealth.

The final three days are spent honoring the goddess of wisdom called Saraswati. She represents spiritual knowledge and is considered the goddess of the arts and language.

According to the Hindu Vedic tradition, all three goddess aspects are considered needed for a life of satisfaction and success.

If you are in the Los Angeles area and want to come experience a magical evening of aligning with the Divine Feminine through sacred movement, ceremony, chanting, dancing and prayer, Exhale Center for Sacred Movement in Venice is having a Navratri celebration on Friday night! The evening will be hosted by favorite yoga teachers Shiva Rea and Saul David Ray.

What are some ways you are finding joy and strength in these uneasy times?